When your religious principles don't align, after you’d already spent most of your individual life￼ trying – with a good dash of insecurity about it, too – to understand that side of the world. Shit hurts.
Spirituality has never come easy for me, despite a screamingly loud conscience. Sadly, and I've felt this way ever since I was an altar boy at seven years old, it seems like the ol’ ‘Matt Hirst’ model God put out was always lacking in the belief department.
And unfortunately, it’s not for lack of being studied. I’ve been there, the lectures and catechisms, and whatever else. I was around that same age when I first learned of Jesus’ classic “why hast thou forsaken me?" It hit home because I understood the feeling; I‘ve lived with that burden my entire life￼.
Dr. Seuss might say something to me here about being you – hopefully, he’d add the “you-ier than you” if he liked me enough. And yet, while knowing there are more than enough similarly-minded people out there, ￼I hate that about myself. You can probably chalk that up to the Catholic programming as well as being told you aren’t good enough￼.
I guess it’s just my nature of not needing a definite answer that worries others. How could one believe while their other has so many questions and a less-defined framework￼? I still think it’s bullshit overall, but whatever. I won’t pretend I don’t at least comprehend it. I’m far smarter than that￼￼.
I’m hurting, but I guess you just roll with the punches. ￼And no one said rolling with the punches meant you wanted them to come at all￼. I could only ever be honest, put myself out there, and try, right￼￼? Looks like being honest kind of fucked me this time, but oh well. I’ve always opted for honesty, regardless of how much it hurts me physically and emotionally. Plus, delaying would have only made the pain worse.￼
￼￼￼Time to better myself, get shredded again, and figure out how to make some big moolah. I’ve got the systems in place and am close; I just need to focus once again. If you need website, social media, data, or branding work, hit me up at Fortnight Solutions.
It’s be-true-to-yourself time. You have to value and prioritize ￼yourself when nobody else does￼. After all, no one else will do it for you.￼ And chances are, that someone will pick something else￼ over you anyway. Why not bet on yourself 100%?