Food for Thought - Journal Entry #1

I think I was down about life for a long time because I didn’t realize how many ways you could go about the business side of things. I felt spread thin and like there was too much I wanted to do, but given each day only holds 24 hours, I didn’t know how to approach my ideas. I guess I still feel that way and am working through it. A lot of that, although silly, was me being under the impression that life and business are more set in stone than they are. That more people in day-to-day operations were experts and knew more than me. That most people didn’t need the collaboration I crave and, to some degree, need. Really though, so much of that is bullshit and not true at all. Do I come across people who whoop my ass at specific business skills? Sure, literally all the time, but that’s life in business, and the most important thing is never to stop learning. At least that’s what I’ve gained through my business experience so far, be that corporate or freelancing/contracting. Something I’ve noticed about myself when it comes to learning, though, is that it needs to become more focused. I’m eager to learn about so many things, and the internet has made that more possible than ever before, but my goal was never to be a Jack of All Trades and Master of None. It was to be the fucking man in my arena. For that, focused work is everything. (Side note - Why do so many of my most personally valuable realizations also make me feel so stupid? Sometimes, it’s like the things I learn and realize about myself through writing are lessons learned from a stranger. I think so much self-reflection feels obvious like that because anxiety isn’t logical. There’s also probably a point I should make here about how destructive logic and organized work are to fear and low self-esteem. But I’ll let you ponder that train of thought on your own. Moving on, it’s easier on myself to believe in my capabilities, so why don’t I just do so? The positive results manifest so quickly throughout my life, but my nature is still to default back to pessimism. I guess we’ll call that a work-in-progress.) Now, back to my main point... There are simply so many ways to make a living, yet I often fall to the idea that the theoretical, arbitrary businessperson out there, who doesn’t even specifically exist, knows more than me. Who is that imaginary person? And who cares if they do know more? Chances are, I’m never going to cross paths with that person in terms of competition. And granted, I do think about that because I expect to compete at that level one day. But seriously, how many of us do this to ourselves? I do it all of the time, from the moment of idea creation and beyond. But why? Who the fuck cares! Thinking that way can really kill motivation and self-belief, and I need to remember that not being a know-it-all has done me far more good than bad so far. I struggle with that to an unhealthy degree, when what I need is to be able to realistically assess it. Am I not enough, or am I just telling myself that? Generally, it’s Option B, and I’m just wasting my time being a basket case. For the other 10% of the time, it was a necessary reality check to get my ducks in a row. Sometimes I just have to step back and look at the concrete steps I’ve taken and be grateful for/appreciate them. I’ve also made it a point to step back and give thanks for all our generation has access to, because we have more opportunity for success than any generation that has ever lived before us. We are positioned to be the best of all-time in so many ways simply based off of the Internet and the amount of data it provides. If anything, that should motivate our business ideas and passions, not belittle them. That’s my food for thought today.

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